In the UK of late there has been much ‘outing’ of mental illness and mental struggles. I therefore do not risk so much by saying that from time to time I suffer from depression. I am not (I believe!) in danger of losing my job over this, particularly as over the years I have learned to manage the condition so that it does not impinge too much on those around me.
How would you view me, however, if I said I was a depressive? A rhetorical question, by the way. Perhaps it suggests an identity issue, rather than suffering from a condition? If someone IS something, then we often feel more need to make decisions about our own relationship or communication with that individual. (“Are they safe? Will they be needy? Can I cope? Do I want to be associated with them?”). Most people recover from a broken arm or the ‘flu.
“X has anorexia” v “X is an anorexic”. Medically speaking those statements may mean the same, but notice how your emotional response could be different. Isms and ics seem to be more permanent, possibly relating to a state one is born into (autism/autistic) or that one enters and remains in (paraplegic/anorexic).
As a species, we tend to be defined by our labels – by others as well as ourselves – and the specific language we use can trigger assumption or prejudice. Labels can be helpful in defining a general situation, however I am reminded of Lewis Carroll’s poem, Jabberwocky. Here is Alice’s (Alice through the Looking Glass) response on hearing it:-
“It seems very pretty,” she said when she had finished it, “but it’s rather hard to understand!” (You see she didn’t like to confess, even to herself, that she couldn’t make it out at all.) “Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don’t exactly know what they are! However, somebody killed something: that’s clear, at any rate”.
Let us be careful with our ions, ives, ics and isms – and ites and ings and ers. Perhaps we can take a moment to suspend our, often unconscious, judgments to remember that we may not be qualified to opine on the subject or person or tribe in question. Underneath all the labels and preconceptions are simply human beings.
The nature of transformational change – a personal viewpoint
Latterly, I have been in the company of some very inspirational people. What a privilege. However, when I get close to them and start asking them questions about their own personal life adventures, I discover that they too have feet of clay. They may have caught a tiny glimpse of something that ‘floats their boat’ – or – “I was just in the right place at the time and the rest is history”. Each morning though they have to go through the minutiae and routines that make their version of living their lives possible. They have the same potential demands made of them as the rest of us; the same irritations and interruptions, the same susceptibility to illness and grief.
Where do my own perambulations take me? I live a comfortable life, with no particular demands made of me in terms of a need to make ends meet. My work gives me much pleasure, as do my family and my connections with friends. When the fancy takes me, I write articles or poems, or seek a commission for writing music. Deadlines provide a good focus for me. I also explore the blocks that prevent my dreams from becoming reality – I’m a great dreamer and schemer, but a useless implementer (unless accountable to somebody else’s schemes).
People tell me to “Set your Intention then Make the Dream Happen”. I wish those folk would unpack that process with a little more clarity and reality!! Just last week I did this with a fairly life-changing dream, only to be smacked in the face with the wet kipper of someone else’s own requirements. Wet kipper? Bucket of ice cold water? However one sees the dashing of dreams, for me there is the felt sensation of a door slamming shut – yet again someone else’s agenda limiting my own progress. “Know your place, O insignificant one!”
Back to the drawing board. Perhaps. In C.S. Lewis’s fine novel ‘Perelandra’, our hero (one Ransome) is faced with the task of protecting innocence from pure evil. The stakes are very high – the whole destiny of a new world. All Ransome’s customary toolbox of argument and eloquence is completely depleted as his enemy is just as skilled in rhetoric; but the enemy has the advantage of never tiring, despite being in possession of an aging body.
Ransome comes to the realisation: “This cannot go on.” He has been set this task, incontrovertibly, but his usual modus operandi is absolutely not working. He slowly comes to understand that the only way forward is to tackle his enemy where they are on equal terms – a physical fight to the death of one or other of the protagonists.
Fear not, I am not about to take up any form of martial art or gun slinging, but I need to ask myself a few searching questions…. “What do I get from this dream of mine?” “Is there any other way in which the dream can be fulfilled?” “What do I need to do (without reference to anyone else’s agenda) to make the dream happen, even if it feels risky to me?” Setting my intention to the dream is only the first step towards real change. I realise that my initial dream is dependent upon others’ cooperation, on my terms. If I stay within that mindset, nothing will ever change.
Although it feels somewhat scary, I become aware that, for whatever reason, I’ve not been strictly honest with myself. Change IS possible, but the route may take me down roads hitherto untravelled. I return to my aforementioned sources of inspiration and realise that the only real difference between us is their taking up of their personal challenges in a slightly different timescale to mine. We all have our unique personal dreams that die with our own deaths. Best get on with it then!
The nature of transformational change – a personal viewpoint
Latterly, I have been in the company of some very inspirational people. What a privilege. However, when I get close to them and start asking them questions about their own personal life adventures, I discover that they too have feet of clay. They may have caught a tiny glimpse of something that ‘floats their boat’ – or – “I was just in the right place at the time and the rest is history”. Each morning though they have to go through the minutiae and routines that make their version of living their lives possible. They have the same potential demands made of them as the rest of us; the same irritations and interruptions, the same susceptibility to illness and grief.
Where do my own perambulations take me? I live a comfortable life, with no particular demands made of me in terms of a need to make ends meet. My work gives me much pleasure, as do my family and my connections with friends. When the fancy takes me, I write articles or poems, or seek a commission for writing music. Deadlines provide a good focus for me. I also explore the blocks that prevent my dreams from becoming reality – I’m a great dreamer and schemer, but a useless implementer (unless accountable to somebody else’s schemes).
People tell me to “Set your Intention then Make the Dream Happen”. I wish those folk would unpack that process with a little more clarity and reality!! Just last week I did this with a fairly life-changing dream, only to be smacked in the face with the wet kipper of someone else’s own requirements. Wet kipper? Bucket of ice cold water? However one sees the dashing of dreams, for me there is the felt sensation of a door slamming shut – yet again someone else’s agenda limiting my own progress. “Know your place, O insignificant one!”
Back to the drawing board. Perhaps. In C.S. Lewis’s fine novel ‘Perelandra’, our hero (one Ransome) is faced with the task of protecting innocence from pure evil. The stakes are very high – the whole destiny of a new world. All Ransome’s customary toolbox of argument and eloquence is completely depleted as his enemy is just as skilled in rhetoric; but the enemy has the advantage of never tiring, despite being in possession of an aging body.
Ransome comes to the realisation: “This cannot go on.” He has been set this task, incontrovertibly, but his usual modus operandi is absolutely not working. He slowly comes to understand that the only way forward is to tackle his enemy where they are on equal terms – a physical fight to the death of one or other of the protagonists.
Fear not, I am not about to take up any form of martial art or gun slinging, but I need to ask myself a few searching questions…. “What do I get from this dream of mine?” “Is there any other way in which the dream can be fulfilled?” “What do I need to do (without reference to anyone else’s agenda) to make the dream happen, even if it feels risky to me?” Setting my intention to the dream is only the first step towards real change. I realise that my initial dream is dependent upon others’ cooperation, on my terms. If I stay within that mindset, nothing will ever change.
Although it feels somewhat scary, I become aware that, for whatever reason, I’ve not been strictly honest with myself. Change IS possible, but the route may take me down roads hitherto untravelled. I return to my aforementioned sources of inspiration and realise that the only real difference between us is their taking up of their personal challenges in a slightly different timescale to mine. We all have our unique personal dreams that die with our own deaths. Best get on with it then!
Recent Comments